I hate running.

No, like, I really, really hate running.

Like, lycra up the bum crack, the burnt tomato puce exercise face, earphones falling out/off/getting caught between legs, sweaty gacky running socks, two-day-later leg burn, the clench of death squeezing life from your lungs, stitches like being disemboweled by a Medieval arthritic nun... you know. Running.

In the same way I wish I could be one of those people who jumps out of bed each morning, fresh faced and bellowing 'OH WOW didn't I sleep WELL I'm so gosh darned chuffed with my life already today!', I wish I could love running. But I don't. Not even for charity (what's the point of bringing even more suffering into the world, I feel?)

However, some bright spark has decided that adding mud and obstacles is the same tactics as getting children to do things they don't want to do: hide the nasty healthy bit under the distractingly bright shiny bit, so like putting fruit in cake, or a nasty pill in a big spoonful of custard...

So, like the child I am, and with the air of someone walking over a cliff with their eyes closed, fingers in ears going Lalalala, I will be getting all up in some mud NOT RUNNING this 5k NOT RUN for Cancer Research to raise them some money. Sadly, everyone has been or will be affected by this bullshit disease somehow in their life, so let's start chucking money at them now to stop this crap destroying people's families.

So kindly sponsor me nowwww, or sponsor my team - the incredible Specialist ladies who will have to witness said puce tomato face in all its horrible glory - or just go buy something unnecessary from your local Cancer Research shop if you think it would be more fun.

THANK YOU!

ALSO don't forget to add Gift Aid
If you're a UK taxpayer, please remember to tick the Gift Aid box as this will increase your donation by at least 25% at no extra cost to you (free money!!).