Thanks for taking the time to visit my JustGiving page.

I decided many months ago that I would run this marathon in support for Sands. But I have avoided setting up my fundraising page, wanting, but not knowing whether I could share my story. 

It is a short story. In September 2010, when my son Michael was 2, we lost a baby girl.  I was 37 weeks pregnant and on maternity leave. One day she was fine and the next morning she no longer had a heartbeat. And within 36hrs I had delivered a stillborn.

Sadly, the death of a baby is not a rare event. But not one that is talked about often.  Sands is the leading stillbirth and neonatal death charity in the UK.  By donating to Sands you are sharing a vision of a world where fewer babies die and helping to ensure that every bereaved family, wherever they live in the UK, gets the care and support they need, when they need it, for as long as they need it.

Because it is the after that lasts forever.  Hearing stories from more mothers that I wish to know who have lost a baby has shown me how differently we all cope. For me it was a very lonely healing process despite the masses of love around.   I’m not sure I was really healing, rather just burying feelings and grieving very silently, feeling like I just needed to get on with it. Then I fell pregnant with Athina, and, well I really did need to just get on with it. I was induced at 37 weeks and out came my Greek goddess in full body armour.  I didn’t mention my lost baby girl again.

Yet she is always with me and when the feelings surface, they are still so incredibly raw. In the end it was Athina, now age 7, who helped us most. She learned that mummy did carry another baby girl and like children do, would ask me question after question about her, forcing me to talk about her. That was a blessing.  Although there isn’t much to say. I don’t have any answers for Michael or Athina to explain what happened. But their desire to know their little sibling brought her into our family in a way I wasn’t able to alone.  And one wonderfully clear night in Greece, out of nowhere, Athina pointed up to the stars and showed me the one that is her baby sister.  

So huge thanks for supporting me on this marathon journey and more importantly for your donations to Sands. And to those beautiful women in my life who I know still grieve. This is for you too.

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